Karon Goodman KaronGoodman.com Grab a Broom, Lord -- There's Dust Everywhere!! The Imperfect Woman's Guide to God's Grace The Stepmom's Guide to Simplifying Your Life

Becoming a stepmom is like being swept up into a hurricane of activities and experiences that you never imagined. There is too much to do, too much to think about, too much to organize, and it all happens so fast. There is little calm.

You may wish that you could just slow it all down, except for the one thing that can't happen fast enough. What you want the most -- a bond with your stepchild -- may come very slowly. You can't plan it or hurry it or orchestrate it on your own terms. Instead, you wait. And like a gentle breeze after the storm has passed, it comes on its own.

Bonding with your stepchild is a journey as unpredictable as a season, and while you can prepare, you can't presume. The rhythm and the timetable aren't up to you. So while you do the work your role requires, you wait for your stepchild to welcome you into his world.

You wait, but you don't have to wait quietly. While you wait, you can do these things.

You can be honest, always. Before your stepchildren can love you, they have to trust you. Lie to them and risk losing them forever.

You can be accessible. If you don't care about what what's happening in their lives, they won't care about yours. Your genuine interest speaks volumes.

You can be patient. The harder you chase a relationship with your stepchildren, the more elusive it becomes. Let it develop on its own, and it's yours forever.

You can be a safe place. A stepchild's world is filled with insecurity, but when you offer your love without confusion or demands, you become a security he didn't know he had.

You can be an example. Your stepchildren are watching you, and when they see you display tolerance and fairness and compassion, they remember. They especially remember the times that you do it when it's not easy.

You can be tough. Your stepchildren may hurt your feelings, either by mistake or on purpose, but don't let the hurt you feel today destroy any hope you have for a better tomorrow. Your resiliency is hard to ignore.

You can love their father and respect their mother. Your stepchildren are trying to discover what role you play in their lives. Make it clear. Show them that you'll neither diminish nor destroy what they already have.

If all of that seems like a very heavy load while you wait, know that it's the easy part. There is one more task that is equally as important as all of those combined -- you must be strong and do the right thing, even when it's unpopular. That means that while you wait for the bond to grow, you still have to be the parent.

That means that you have to provide the discipline that a parent provides, even if you don't get the love in return. You have to have the courage to risk your stepchildren's anger or rejection to do what's best for them. It's not easy, but it's part of your role.

You can do all of these things while you wait for the relationship you want so badly. Trust that it will come. And when it does, like a rainbow, it will lead you to your own pot of gold -- and it's worth the wait.

About Karon Goodman
Karon Goodman is an author and speaker from Alabama. She's written several books and for a variety of national publications and websites. Her newest book is called "UNAFRAID: Living God's Plan on a Ladder and a Promise."

The author may be contacted at http://karongoodman.com karon@karongoodman.com.

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If you enjoyed this article, you might also enjoy:

• A Stepmom in Waiting
• Nothing Is Wasted
• The Lord's Faithfulness
• Work Instead of Worry

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